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May 6, 2012

Posted by -Rather Die Young; on May 6, 2012 at 9:20 PM

Ohmygoodness, i'm actually writing a blog entry and it hasnt been like, two months, haha. So much has happened lately that has left me overwhelmed. Well, my mom and aunt's birthday were Thursday since they are twins and we sorta celebrated.  My mom chose her friends over me.....again. So, she skipped my art show that had art I made for her and other members of my familiy in it just so she could go smoke and drink. I mean, I know its your birthday, but my art show happens ONCE. You go out to drink and smoke with your friends constantly. Get your priorities straight please. You talk about how you are so sick and unwell, yet you can go and party with friends. Okay.

I dont even know why I even ask her to come to my events. She never comes.  She either is too sleepy, or doesnt feel like getting up, or "her legs are bothering her" Girl please, my aunt and grandmother are in way worse physical conditions than you are, and they make nearly EVERY function. Stop making excuses. You're my mother, you're supposed to be my number one supporter. I wonder what my life would be like if you didnt start doing drugs. You were such a great basketball player. Had your name in the papers, nearly got into the WNBA, you could have been something. Oh well. Isn't it cliche for talented athletes to throw their lives away with drugs? It's nothing new. Its in alot of movies and stuff.

Okay, that vent over.  But my art show went really well. I nearly cried looking at my art.  Studio Art was the only class that remotely kept me sane at school. It was my release. It also was great to notice my growthh as an artist. When we were doing pen&line design, I nearly mastered the concept in a couple of days. I'm no expert, but i'm sure as hell good.  Normally, it took my weeks to even know how to do some of the simplest art tasks. Just like with dance, I learn quicker, I've truly grown.

Lets see, moving on. This weekend was f'amazing. This is the first time I was truly in my heart happy with my life. It felt so good to smile and not know why. My cheeks were hurting so much this weekend; from joy, gratefulness, and shyness. Saturday was our Computer Gaming Competition. Our school was the only school that participated, so we won regardless. I already knew we would get second place, I didnt even get my hopes up. Our video game was sort of like Mario. The theme of the game had to be wind turbines. Ours was about a necklace that was stolen that controlled the wind turbines of all the land, and you had to  retrieve it to save the world. The other team was about recycling and building a wind turbine. I already knew since their video game was more green and eco-friendly based, they would win the heart of the judges. But check this, we all won iPads♥ I nearly screamed. I didnt care we got second place. The only thing that seperated first and second place was a trophy that said "first" and a trophy that said "second" Whoop de doo. We were all winners. No need for differentiation.

Then leaving the competition, I saw two GORGEOUS horses. Their names were Cody and Hannaka. They were the most majestic beauties I have ever seen in my entire life.  The riders allowed me to pet them. They were so soft it was unbelievable. I want a horse now♥ Cody tried to eat me because I still spelt like the fruit, bagels and pizza I ate at the competition. He was just too cute, I let it slide.

Then I went to see this dancing show performance thingy with my friend at our state Theatre. The performances were so inspiring and phenominal. They moved so fast, I usually missed half of the steps they did. I would just be sitting and be like "Wait, what just happened. Did he hop on a chair?" Anyway, I was totally inspired, and my passion for dancing and dream to become a choreographer strengthened.

Well, all great days come to an end, am I right? I did not know anything about the event, so I called my friend and asked her what I could possibly wear. She said that "it wasn't that serious, just dressy casual. Dress pants and a nice shirt would be acceptable" So i'm thinking "Okay, I have on black Corderoy (sp?) dress pants, a back turtleneck sweater and boots. This is dressy casual. So, it turns out its way more than a dressy casual event. People were dressed like they were ready to be judged by Jesus. My outfit was still acceptable, I just didn't look as fancy as some people there. Well my aunt called me spazzing out about my outfit because my grandmother exaggerated about my outfit, making me sound like I was about to go partying. So I was yelled at for that. I just let it go, I was still in a inspired mood.

Then my crush invited me to attend his Church today, and I've wanted to see him so badly as well as visit his Church because it looked like a Church I would possibly enjoy.  So I called my aunt, (since she is my legal guardian and is basically the mother figure in my life because my mother  is ill, mind you) and ask her if she would mind if I went. She starts yelling some more talking about "I always try to sneak around when she's not in town" and that "I have disrespected her" and "that she needs to speak to my grandmother because she didnt tell her anything"

So THAT is what ruined my night. First off, fooling around? I mean, come on, I am going to attend a Church for Christ's sake, not some frat boy tattoo sex party. The fact that she didnt even trust me to go to Church angered my soul. And my Grandmother had nothing to do with me wanted to go to my friend's Church. Leave her OUT of it. She did absolutely nothing. If my friend was a girl she probably would have let me go right away, but no, i'm going to a Church to fool around and be unholy with a guy. Because i'm just that kind of child I guess. I have a 4.0 GPA, hardly get in trouble, keep to myself, dont party, drink, smoke, have sex, have secret tattoo's or piercings etc. Yet, i'm going to Church to fool around. Peachy~

Well yea, I texted my crush to tell him I wouldn't be able to go. I was really expecting a "Oh darn, that sucks. Maybe next time" response, but he was like determined to convince my mom to let me go. It made me gush inside. So after letting him talk to my mother, and him being the charmer that he is, she finally lets me go. But she said I had to wear a dress, which I hated because I dont think I have the body for a dress, but its whatever.

Well yes, I went through this "i'mspazzingoutbecauseimgoingtogoseemycrushtomorrowomgomgomgomg" phase.  I took a bath, set out my black lace dress, cropped jacket, stockings, and dress shoes, flat ironed my hair, actually put on lotion, put on like twenty covers of deodorant because I knew I would be sweating profusely, brushed the hell out of my teeth, actually flossed, God knows why, used Listerine like twenty times, and sprayed myself with body mist. Yes, thats my "i'm going to see my crush" routine. I normally just shower, put on deodorant, put my hair in a neat bun, put vaseline on my knees and hands and head out the door because i'm not trying to impress anyone. But this was different. I havent had a legitimate crush since like the sixth grade. He is just that perfect, so talented, so nice. Omg, he is like one of the nicest people I know. God could'nt have carved such a perfect human.

Well yes, I was so happy that he actually wanted to see me as much as he wanted to I guess? Half of my conscience is saying "Shut up Shannon, he was being a friend and wanted you to see his Church" and the other half is saying "Shannon, he actually cares and shows like, 2% interest in you! Dont mess this up"  But Church was perfect. It was the first time I didn't even remotely want to fall asleep. He is such a good singer. I can tell he loves his Church. But yes, when I have a crush, i'm in "timid, self conscious, i dont want to talk" mode so I rarely said anything. I tried not to look directly at him, maybe past him when he was singing. I didn't want to make it obvious I wanted to stare at him.

But everyone at the Church was soooooo nice and welcoming, and I could tell they weren't faking because they were in Church. That was how they were with people. He introduced me to alot of his family members. Ohmygoodness, he has a beautiful family.  They all seem so welcoming and embracing and loving. I know all families have their ins and outs and secrets but they all just seemed so grateful and happy.  My family cannot even be in a room together without drama and fights starting. Public or not. I would most definitely attend their service again if my aunt let me. I actually enjoyed it (: And alot of people kept asking if we were dating.  I was still in shy mute mode, so I just disregarded it like a cough in the wind.

So this weekend, I won second place in a competition, won an iPad, petted two gorgeous horses, saw breath taking and inspiring performances, saw my crush♥ and i'm also getting my phone this week! Tomorrow most likely. That concluded the perfect weekend. And we have late arrival tomorrow. Life is good.

Categories: Personal Reflection, Feeling Some Type of Way

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