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April 20th, 2012

Posted by -Rather Die Young; on April 20, 2012 at 10:55 AM

Everytime I make a blog entry, I always say that I will make my blog posts more consistent. Yet, they are not. So yea, alot has sorta happened in the past month.  April 15 was the one year anniversary of my uncles death.  He had cancer. I basically bawled my eyes out the entire day and the night before.  I don't even know why I feel so guilty.  Wait, yes I do.  I hardly spent any time with him.  While he was alive, I spent time avoiding him and ignoring him.  I never imagined he would be gone so fast, I really didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I sort of feel better though. When I went over my godmothers house, she told me that what helped her rest peacefully with her brothers passing was apologizing for all that she did. Well I tried that.

I was sitting in the living room, the commercials were on the television. I turned them down, being the only one alone in the house, and cried my eyes out.  I went to the corner of the room and pulled out the ern (sp?) will my uncles ashes, and just sat and talked to it. I told him how sorry I was and how much I missed him.  It actually came from the heart, and after I finished, it felt like weight was just lifted off of my shoulders.  Now, I hardly cry when I think about the situation.

On from that depressing stuff, lets move on. My Spring Break was okayish. goSupermodel is closing, which pissed me the heck off. I spent sooooo much money and time on that site. So much was wasted. It's whatever. I realized what terrible business people watAgame were. Well, I had to do alot of remodling on my site surprisingly; moving and deleting everything gSm related. The links page, editing the Roleplaying Characters, it took me an hour to change the entire Order Form around, mainly because my internet was very slow. But I dont even go on there anymore, since it closes next Tuesday. I decided to ween myself off of it while it was still up, instead of suffering and scrambling for a new website to get on right after it closed. Now i'm on deviantArt, i-dressup, Figment, Tumblr, Facebook, and a couple of other sites. All of those websites together take up alot of time, and I added nearly everyone from gSm on my FB anyway.

Well school is okay. I feel out of place sort of. I cant relate to anyone, we have nothing in common, and i'm starting to just distance myself away from everyone. I always feel like the odd one out.  Everyone seems to look at me with the crazy eyes. I just dont belong here. I'm not happy here. Why should my mom pay 15 grand a year for me to be someplace that I am miserable?

Well, I think I lost the person I could call a friend.  I once was friends with a girl at the beginning of the school year that I drifted away from for various reasons. I feel like listing some of them because this is my blog and i'm bored.

-She was extremely ignorant and disrespectful. She had no sense of respect for others peoples opinions, and all of her statements were rather judgmental, when she herself is in no place to judge anyone else in the entire world.

-I cant trust her. I told her one semi-secret. It was a personal statement, that I would prefer to be kept secret but if it got out, I dont care. So its a semi secret. Anyway, she told like five other people in less than a week what I told her. That showed me that I could not just tell her anything.

-She was an extremely bad influence. I dont drink, party, have sex or smoke. Just simply respect that. Dont come to me every day saying "We're gonna get high" or "Im going to get you drunk" Thats disrespecting me, my family's wishes, & my morals. Just accept no. God, youre like a hobo begging for chang. No means no damnit.

-A continuation of the morals thing, I am fourteen years old. Why in your crazy mind would you hook me up with a nineteen year old? You KNOW my morals, you knew that it would make me upset. Once again, respect my wishes. Dont try to push me into something I am uncomfortable doing. Respect the word "no"

-Other reasons that I will explain later.

Well yes, the girl who i'm still friends with talks about her like a dog. I dont even like her and I dont talk about her as badly as she does. But although she talks about her extremely badly, she still acts as though they are best friends. So I told her like "You can be friends with her, I dont care. But if you are talking terribly about her, and you act like your best friends, what about me? Are you being phony with me as well? What makes me believe that you can't be talking about me as well?"

She sorta became uncomfortable looking after that. I dont know if it's because I implied that what she was doing was phony, or if she simply didn't like my confrontation. She claimed she "didnt talk bad" she was "venting" Shoot, if what she was saying was venting, I feel EXTREMELY sorry for whoever she legitly talks bad about. Anywho, I told her to talk to me if she has to vent about something I do. I sense a difference between us now. Oh well, find out my true friends in freshman year.

Well, I have to go now. Lunchtime in school. Whoopy (;

Categories: Personal Reflection, Feeling Some Type of Way

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