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March 15, 2012

Posted by -Rather Die Young; on March 15, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Oh my goodness. I did not realize how low its been since I blogged on here. It felt like such a little time ago, but it was actually before Christmas. Wow, time really seems to fly.

Well, school is going midway decent.  I'm starting to discover myself and my surroundings more than I could have imagined. I lost all of my friends from my new school. Well, I didnt quite lose them, I just realized what phony cunts they were.  I can see I am starting to get more and more like my aunt every day. I tolerate much less. I dont want to put up with all of the nonsense.

I am trying my hardest to not get into any drama. Although I dont like a majority of the people here, they seem to like me. So I really dont want to mess up whatever reputation I may have.  I guess because I'm a loner, its impossible for me to have a bad reputation here. At my old school, there was only 12 girls in the entire eigth grade class. 12 vs 92? Yea, big difference.

Well, I have a forward exchange studennt now.  I absolutely love the experience.  Her name is Yuh and we grow closer everyday. She's from Japan. She arrived on the 9th and leaves the 25th.  I have like, this huge motherly protection thing going on with her. I hate to leave her alone, I make sure she hands with the right people, and everything I do is revolved around her best interest.  Now if I am acting towards this towards a child Ive known for less than a week, imagine what would happen if I had my own child. I dont even want to think about it. I could never have my own child.

Actually, the fact that I am Yuh's hostess is what allowed me to see what dickwads my old friends were. As soon as someone comes in contact with another culture, they immediately become ignorant. Shes Japanese, shes not retarded. She bleeds like we do, she eats like we do, she speaks Japanese, not retard.  I didnt know that some of my own friends would judge me because I offered to be her hostess. "Ew, why would you even want her here? Shes from Japan. I dont want them here. Do they even speak English? There probably stupid. I heard their pictures were photoshopped"

Like no, shut up. Why judge someone you hardly even know? I cant believe I'm actually happier just being with Yuh, someone who is kind of hard to conversate with, opposed to people I've been hanging with the entire year.  Its absolutely crazy in my eyes. I'd rather be with someone who speaks little English, than be around people who use their English to be the phoniest assholes on the planet. Sorry.

Rakim and I are doing great.  He just completes my life. I could never ever be mad at him. Rakim and Nishayla, the only two people in the entire world I consider true friends. The people who were with me in my good times, and were there to cry with me in my bad times.  They have been in my life since day one-ish.  I met Nishayla in third grade. I dont even know how we grew to be so close. Its a complete mystery to us. She hated me, for some reason. I didnt even know her. We rarely talked then. Then in fourth grade, we started conversating a bit, fifth grade, she came over my house a couple of times, and sixth grade we were inseperable.  I want to see the day that we went from being just friends to best friends, practically sisters.  I can tell her absolutely anything, and dont have to worry about her going back to tell a soul.

And Rakim literally completes my life. I cant think of anyone else that can make me happier than he does.  His voice, his smile, his humor, he is just so perfect. I just wish my aunt would just let him be. I ~met~ him my sixth grade year. I had a Halloween party, and my close friend at the time let me talk on the phone with him. He lives in New York, and she visited New York like a week before my party, so I just assumed that they knew each other. So like, a month passes, and Rakim and I are already uber close. I then find out that she met him over Gaia.

So I'm like "Okay, I know this boy is not a pedophile. He's just an average fourteen year old boy" But my aunt thought different. "Pedophile, stupid little boy, 'What does he want to do with you anyway?'" Well sorry, i've been talking to him everyday for nearly three years. Three years as of October 27, 2012 <3 haha, but still. Get over it. I'm not letting him go. I REFUSE to let him go.

Well, since it is the Ides of March, I am going to dedicate this paragraph to my Grandfather, whose birthday is today.  I dont know how old you are Papa, or I didnt really even know you, but I knew you were marvelous.  I've heard so many negative things about you, but I refuse to believe them.  As far as I know, you treated me like I was a goddess. You loved me endlessly. You were one of the first to see me when I came out of the womb, and you were the only one who believed my mother when I had pretusses. If there was no you, there could possibly be no me.  You were a devoted businessman. Had his own printing corporation, and did whatever he could to help his family. Yes, you may have been mean. I heard you were mean, but I mean, who isnt mean? haha. But I feel as though I am the only one who misses you, or displays that she misses you, when I am actually the one that knows you the least.  I wish I was old enough to remember you. Your smell, your touch, your smile, because to me, you are just an unsolved mystery. I love you Papa, and Rest In Peace. Sometimes I just pray there is a God. I dont know who I am praying to while I pray, but I just pray to God that I hope He exists. I really want to go to heaven, and I really want to be able to see you one day. I want to be able to see you and Uncle Steve. I want us to be able to be one huge family. With no conflicts, no fights, just peace and familyness. Well, I love you. And hopefully i'll be with you soon. Not too soon, but soon.

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